How to Say Goodbye

I inherited the trait of “the Jewish goodbye” from my family. A Jewish goodbye is one where you say goodbye to folks, but then don’t leave—lingering around, talking and savoring every moment of togetherness. As a longstanding proponent of the Jewish goodbye, I’ve been contemplating just how to say goodbye to this incredible BJ community.

I often speak with Aviv-niks about how this stage in our lives is one of constant movement, of self discovery, and of exploration about who we want to be in the world. And I am on that journey, too. In that vein, I am stepping away from BJ at the end of November. This winter, my husband Zvi and I are expecting a baby, and we’ve made the difficult decision to move back to my hometown, Cincinnati, OH, to raise our family. (See the full update I shared a few weeks back with our Aviv 20s + 30s community.)

So how do I say goodbye? This community welcomed me, a brand new rabbi, with open arms. You taught me, you hugged me, and you listened to my words of Torah. When I arrived at BJ, I heard about the lore of the 90s, with young adults hanging from the rafters. When I set out to reinvigorate that reality once again, these folks responded in incredible ways. From the full-hearted singing, the wild dancing, and the ruah (spirit) of the 300 people who participated in our Aviv High Holy Days services; to sold-out Aviv Shabbat services and dinners—month after month—complete with big energy and Shabbat joy; to sharing tears after October 7; to the 100 people that filled our BJ sukkah: We are building a special, modern, vibrant Jewish community, and bringing this young spirit back to BJ. I know this community will only continue to grow and thrive under the leadership of Rabbi Jessica Lenza, who’s already been on our team for a number of years. So how do I say goodbye?

Our rabbis speak about saying goodbye in Brakhot in the Talmud, teaching that one should only leave another in a word of halakha, or Jewish law. This is so that the person will be remembered and the one they leave will think well of them and the new halakha they taught them. Why is this so, and what does a word of halakha mean? The Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, wrote in Hayom Yom about this verse:

“Our Holy Rebbes, explained thus: ‘The parting word should be the kind of Torah-teaching that transforms the listener into a mehalekh, a traveler, one who journeys. ‘Journeying’ means to rise and grow from level to level, with one ascent after another. Such progression embodies the superiority of the human soul over the angels…”

The parting words of Torah I would like to leave you with comes from the “community verse,” or verse 5, of Lekha Dodi, where the spiritual leaders cut out and, you, as a community, lead the singing. The last two lines are:

עוּרִי עוּרִי שִׁיר דַּבֵּרִי

Wake up! Wake up! A song, speak out!

כְּבוֹד ה’ עָלַיִךְ נִגְלָּה

The glory of Adonai upon you is revealed!

You sing this each week, full of spirit and love, and elevate me and each other to new heights. Singing Lekha Dodi together with you each week, I feel the glory of God being revealed to me. That glory has guided me through the uncertain times we are facing as Americans and Jews.  Connected to each one of you, to our ancient tradition, and to God, all through the unity of voices—the communal singing cracks open my heart and allows for God’s glory to be revealed to me. I will carry this feeling of being enveloped in song with me for the rest of my life. And so, my parting words to you are to keep singing together. Especially during these dark and uncertain times, I hope you continue to feel how special it is to get to join together with others and reach for the divine in song. That act of communal singing, as the Rebbe said, can raise all of us to new heights, so we can be open, loving, and see the beauty in the world.

So, how do we say goodbye? By singing together this Shabbat, side by side in the Sanctuary. And then even when, come next week, we are no longer singing together in person, I will feel held—knowing we are all using music to guide us through the challenges and triumphs of life, working to create the world as we hope it could be. Shabbat shalom!